I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
