There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
