There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
