okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
