I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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