Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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