our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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