Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
