I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
