we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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