I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
