i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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