you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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