I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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