im about as happy as oj after his trial
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
