she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
