Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
