is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
