i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
