in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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