I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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