Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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