well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Michael Bay diarrhea
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
