how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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