i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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