you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
