You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
