i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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