It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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