You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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