I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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