just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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