Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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