just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
