butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
