He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
