Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
