I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
