he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
