You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I intend to get homeless drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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