help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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