It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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