And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
