Me too!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
