State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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