I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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