I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
