Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
