remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
