ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
