Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
