i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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