tell your sister to shave her snatch
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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