Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
