Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
