This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
