Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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