So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
