I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
