Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
