Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
