i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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