i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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