I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize